porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
