i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
