She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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