The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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