i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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