on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
