pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
