When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
