I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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