worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
