you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
