She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
