You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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