Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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