btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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