Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
