I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
