Your face is a jimmy john
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
