Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
