Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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