she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Less talking, more tequila
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
