since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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