Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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