a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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