Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was confusing and full of hummus
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
