Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize