He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize