the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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