guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
