I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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