Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
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