You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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