OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
