my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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