My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you never un-have a 4some
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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