You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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