A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
