He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
