Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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