I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
