Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
