PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
