so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
