I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it's like iHOP with fire
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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