so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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