Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
