Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
