His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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