She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
