I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
