I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
