I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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