you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
sex in a hospital.. check
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
