She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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