What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
