The maid of honor just puked.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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