So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
