i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
