I can text with my tongue
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
