I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
