My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
