Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
