If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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