i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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