Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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