When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
