i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
