We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
