it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
