Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is it penis luge time yet?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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