Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
