please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
did you just send me my own nude
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
