I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
