A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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