no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
