I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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