Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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