someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
what day is it and did you see me today?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
