i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Everyone says I win the strip club
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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