So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize