I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
