..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
