WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
