I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Couch. On fire.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
