TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
