Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
