3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
