i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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