Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
