I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
