The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
