I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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