Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
