i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
