Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
