Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
