The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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