Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
