You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
