I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize