I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
