I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
