**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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