He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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