mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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