well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
