don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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