We're like a lot better than the average bears
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
