I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How does one acquire holy water?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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