she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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