sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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