Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
